


I'm still scared

by jargoc



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Fluff, M/M, hand holding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-03
Updated: 2014-07-03
Packaged: 2018-02-07 06:33:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 991
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1888575
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jargoc/pseuds/jargoc
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sugawara tends to shoulder the blame for everything that went wrong between Asahi and Nishinoya.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm still scared

**Author's Note:**

> Just a tiny piece that I wanted to write after rereading Haikyuu!! I wanted something to happen between Daichi and Suga that blended in perfectly with the story and give some (made up) insight on Sugawara's inner struggle... really short and kinda just very self indulgent haha

“Suga,” Daichi whispered.

Suga didn’t need to to turn his head to see that his fellow third year was watching him. He, more than anyone, knew what Suga was thinking. His nails dug into his palms but he didn’t stop tightening his fists. He couldn’t. He couldn’t look away at the closed door of the gym, replaying the way Nishinoya’s voice reverberated off of the gym’s ceiling.

_”If Asahi-san isn’t coming back, then neither am I!”_

Suga knew both Nishinoya and Asahi thought it was their fault, but despite Daichi’s words back then… Suga still took most of the blame for the outcome of that game. As a setter he was supposed to be the backbone of the team, the one teammate that shouldn’t falter, that should be confident, powerful, reliable… but Suga hadn’t been any other that. He relied solely on Asahi’s power and wore him out. It was Suga who should be shouldering the burden of that loss… not his teammates.

“Well,” Suga said, packing away those thoughts and forcing a smile onto his face before Daichi could say anymore. Their younger teammates loud voices leaked through the thin walls of the gym and Suga turned toward the back door with a practiced grin, “We could spy on them from over here.”

Suga ignored the way Daichi stared at him, knowing full well what the boy would say if he gave him the chance. He’d heard it before, he even repeated the words to himself a handful of times, but when faced with the consequences—Nishinoya running out, Asahi refusing to come back—it was hard to believe anything else was true.

\- - -

The relief that washed through Suga when he heard that Nishinoya would be returning, even if it was only to practice. Just his presence was enough to ease Suga a little…

_Now if only Asahi-san would..._

“Suga,” Daichi called again, gently grabbing at his arm. Suga’s heart lurched and he turned to meet Daichi’s gaze. He was upset, Suga could tell… though, the gaze didn’t hold any anger just… annoyance and something else, worry?

Daichi was the first to break eye contact, glancing to Tanaka, “Tanaka,” Daichi said, voice clipped and holding that authoritative tone that had Tanaka’s spine straightening. There was an unspoken order in his words, and Tanaka picked it up pretty fast, his eyes quickly darting between Daichi’s hold on Suga’s arm, back up to Daichi’s face.

Tanaka nodded and patted Kageyama’s shoulder, the first year snapped to attention confused by Tanaka’s blabbering as he led them away, leaving him and Daichi alone.

Once he was sure that the others were completely out of earshot, Daichi let Suga go and stared at him, hand resting on his hip. He sighed and stared disapprovingly at Suga.

“What’d I say about thinking that this is all your fault?” Daichi asked, the question clearly serving as a reminder.

“That you’d _come close_  to socking me one,” Suga bantered, a small feint of a smirk playing on his lips.

Daichi wasn’t fooled.

 _Of course he wasn’t_.

It was Suga’s turn to sigh. He pushed his hands into his pockets, toe digging into the dirt. What did Daichi want him to say? Regardless of the fact that he knew he had to practice, that all he could do was improve so he could be someone to rely on rather than always leaning on someone else’s skills… he still couldn’t stop feeling like it was all his fault. If only he was stronger /then/. Then none of this would have happened.

“Clearing the wall in front of a spiker,” Sugawara recited Kageyama’s words, finally breaking the silence between them, “is what a setter is for. So…” He tightened his hands into fists, glaring down at the dirt, “What’s the use of a setter who can’t do that?”

The silence made the back of his neck burn and he pressed on.

“Because I wasn’t able to clear that wall, Asahi-san came to hate volleyball. _That_  is my fault, even if the loss wasn’t.” The words tasted sour in his mouth, “It doesn’t matter that we have a capable setter now, Asahi-san doesn’t want to play volleyball anymore, it doesn’t matter how good I get… that won’t get him to come play again. We lost our ace… because of me.”

“And if that wasn’t true,” Daichi said, his voice calm. Suga was tempted to look up at him, but kept his eyes to the ground, gritting his teeth. “If Asahi didn’t hate volleyball, would you want to toss to him again? Or would you let Kageyama take over for you? After all of the work you put into practice, you’d just give that spot away?”

The question struck a cord. Suga’s eyes widened.

He didn’t want that.

If Asahi-san wanted to play, Suga wanted to toss to him. Daichi was right. He had worked so hard, and had become so much better than he was before, he wasn’t as good as Kageyama, but… that didn’t mean he should just give up. He had become a full-fledged setter in order to help his team. He couldn’t sit around brooding over things he had no control over.

Asahi and Nishinoya had their own choices to make, all Sugawara could do was keep moving forward.

“No,” Suga answered, finally looking up at Daichi and giving him a bright genuine smile. “I won’t give it away,” then he reached out and grabbed Daichi’s hand, giving it a firm squeeze, “Thanks.”

Daichi’s face lit up, his cheeks burning in the way that made Suga’s heart flutter. Daichi looked up and away from him and his smile grew three times in size. Daichi was so cute when he was embarrassed like this. Daichi squeezed back, still not looking at him when he said, “I didn’t really do anything.”

Suga laughed lightly, “Thanks anyway.”

“Yeah well…It was nothing, if you ever need anything… you know I’m right here.”

 

 


End file.
